And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
