She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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