Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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