I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
