party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
