it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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