he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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