never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Randomize
