You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
