I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
