I want to stick my p in your. b.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
