Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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