You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
