Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
