Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
