$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
