I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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