did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
