It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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