hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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