He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
