What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
