How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
