soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
