Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
