when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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