But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
