No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
