after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
