he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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