He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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