I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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