My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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