k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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