My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
