1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
