she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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