Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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