i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
