She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
