i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
how drunk are you?
Several
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
