I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
