3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
