I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
people are starting to question the shark bite story
birth control should be required to get into college
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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