I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
