4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
