She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
