then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
