I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
