im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
