Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
