Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
