Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
