I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
