to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
