took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
not ubering you a puppy
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
