you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
